Monday, December 08, 2008

As Requested, Your Annual Bowl Preview

I know you are all desperate for your annual college football bowl summary and I will assume that you remember everything from last year's discussion। Maybe not. Here are the highlights:

1) The national championship game is Florida versus OKlahoma in Miami. If you are thinking that sounds like a home game for Florida, you are correct. The game location is set years ahead of time. Alabama was #1 in the country until Florida beat them in the SEC (Southeastern Conference) title game yesterday. Oklahoma won the Big 12 (Midwestern teams) title game, even though they maybe should have not been in it. Both Texas and Oklahoma had one loss, and Texas had beaten Oklahoma, but some magical computers said that Oklahoma should play in the Big12 title game instead of Texas because Texas was beaten by Texas Tech and Oklahoma destroyed Texas Tech. Confused? Oklahoma/Texas/Texas Tech were in the same division and where all better than Missouri, the team from the other division who lost badly to Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game.

We also have USC and Penn State with one loss, but they lost to crappy teams so they don't make it. WAIT! Florida also lost to a crappy team (Ole Miss) for their one loss, but because they lost early in the season people seem to forget that.

BCS CHAMPIONSHIP GAME, Miami - Jan. 8, 8 p.m., FoxMatchup: BCS No. 1 vs. BCS No. 2 This week's projection: Oklahoma vs. Florida

Conclusion: Florida and Oklahoma in the title game. Oklahoma has scored 60 points in 5 straight games, so it should be pretty good.

2) WAIT! You are asking why undefeated Utah and Boise State are not playing in the title game? THey are undefeated, but they play in what is known as a non-BCS (Bowl Championship Series) conference like the Mountain West and the Western Athletic Conferences. Generally, this means that their schedules are a bit easier than a big conference and they get invited to the lesser BCS bowl games when they go undefeated. This pisses everybody off because their fans aren't as numerous and rich, but legally they have to do this or the federal government might start looking into all of this. The hearings would bankrupt the country given how complicated all of this is. The smaller schools like Utah and Boise State could get into the championship game if they scheduled some games against big conference schools (and win) but none of the big conference schools will give them games because... they might lose! Big schools schedule crap schools at home to guarantee a win and a payday.

This leaves us with the lesser of the BCS games. None are all that interesting, although USC is always good to watch. You can see that USC managed to snag a home game. It pays to be from a large city in a warm weather state because there is a chance you will get a home bowl game like USC and Florida.

ROSE BOWL, Pasadena, Calif। - Jan. 1, 4:30 p.m., ABCMatchup: BCS vs. BCS This week's projection: USC vs। Penn State

ORANGE BOWL, Miami - Jan। 1, 8 p.m., FoxMatchup: BCS vs. BCS This week's projection: Virginia Tech vs. Cincinnati

SUGAR BOWL, New Orleans - Jan. 2, 8:30 p.m., FoxMatchup: BCS vs. BCS This week's projection: Alabama vs. Utah

FIESTA BOWL, Glendale, Ariz. - Jan. 5, 8 p.m., FoxMatchup: BCS vs. BCS This week's projection: Texas vs. Ohio

3) Something to note that hasn't really been brought up. There are a lot of teams being scheduled for bowl games that are pretty much home games. I can only assume that this is due to the economy. WHo is going to travel across country to go and watch some shit bowl game? Schedule it down the road from the school and, voila!, good attendance.

EAGLEBANK BOWL, Washington - Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPNMatchup: Navy/at-large vs. ACC 9 This week's projection: Navy vs. Wake Forest

I don't know what Eaglebank is, but I know the Naval Academy is pretty damn close to Washington.

ST. PETERSBURG BOWL, St. Petersburg, Fla. - Dec. 20, 4:30 p.m., ESPN2Matchup: Big East 6 vs. Conference USA 5 This week's projection: South Florida vs. Memphis

South Florida is in Tampa. Tampa is beside St. Petersburg.

HAWAII BOWL, Honolulu - Dec. 24, 8 p.m., ESPNMatchup: Pac-10 6 vs. Western Athletic This week's projection: Notre Dame* at Hawaii

Hawaii gets to play in the Hawaii Bowl?!?!??! WHo would have thunk it?

CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL, Orlando, Fla. - Dec. 27, 4:30 p.m., ESPNMatchup: ACC 4 vs. Big Ten 5 This week's projection: Florida State vs. Wisconsin

Florida State playing in Orlando? Seems about right.

EMERALD BOWL, San Francisco - Dec. 27, 8 p.m., ESPNMatchup: ACC 7 vs. Pac-10 4/5 This week's projection: Miami vs. California

California is California at Berkley. Berkley is near Oakland. THe Bay Bridge connects Oakland to San Francisco. SNAP! I can check this one out.

INDEPENDENCE BOWL, Shreveport, La. - Dec. 28, 8 p.m., ESPNMatchup: Big 12 8 vs. SEC 8 This week's projection: Central Michigan* vs. Louisiana Tech*

Louisiana Tech playing in Louisiana? No home field advantage here. I'm sure all 7 Central Michigan fans will make the drive to the middle of nowhere. Shreveport is 300 miles from the middle of nowhere. Except they used to have a CFL team.

4) It has been a very bad year for new and shitty bowl games. Here are a few classics that all kids dream of playing instead of spending the holidays with their families so that their school can make lots of money:

CHICK-FIL-A BOWL, Atlanta - Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m., ESPNMatchup: ACC 2 vs. SEC 5 This week's projection: Georgia Tech vs. LSU

Sweet, fast food! And Georgia Tech's campus is located where? In Atlanta!

HUMANITARIAN BOWL, Boise, Idaho - Dec. 30, 4:30 p.m., ESPNMatchup: ACC 8 vs. Western Athletic This week's projection: Maryland at Nevada

You would have to be a humanitarian to watch this piece of shit. I'm sure the entire state of Maryland wants to go to Boise, Idaho to watch this piece of shit. I am just shocked that Boise State is not playing in this one.

PAPAJOHNS.COM BOWL, Birmingham, Ala. - Dec. 29, 3 p.m., ESPNMatchup: Big East 4 vs. SEC 9 This week's projection: Rutgers vs. N.C. State*

? A bowl sponsored by a website for a company that makes shitty pizza. PLay it on a MONDAY at 3:00pm? What is not to like? And what person from New Jersey (Rutgers is the state university of New Jersey) is not excited about a Monday afternoon bowl game in Birmingham, Alabama?

MEINEKE CAR CARE, Charlotte, N.C. - Dec. 27, 1 p.m., ESPNMatchup: ACC 6 vs. Big East 3 This week's projection: North Carolina vs. West Virginia

Since the Poulan/Weed-eater Bowl got retired, this is now the shittiest bowl name. And it is not even close. Wait, also sucks pretty hard. At least it is on a Saturday. WAIT! North Carolina playing in Charlotte? Interesting, indeed.

LAS VEGAS BOWL, Las Vegas - Dec. 20, 8 p.m., ESPNMatchup: Mountain West 1 vs. Pac-10 4/5 This week's projection: BYU vs. Arizona

I will highlight this for 2 reasons. One, Danny Smiles and I can go to this. Two, what better way to help the Las Vegas economy than inviting A MORMON SCHOOL TO LAS VEGAS!

5) Your chance to check out a bowl:

NTERNATIONAL BOWL, Toronto - Jan. 3, noon, ESPN2Matchup: Big East 5 vs. Mid-American 2 This week's projection: Arkansas State* vs. Buffalo

Buffalo has never been in a bowl game. They were invited to one in the 1950s and decided not to go because they would not be allowed to play their black players. It has taken 50 years and the addition of 20 bowl games for the forces to align to get them back to a bowl game. For all their hard work, they get to take a bus to Toronto. I didn't even know Arkansas State had a football team, so I cannot comment. The only question is if this will have better attendance than an Argos game.


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